i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
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Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
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Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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