just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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