I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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