Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
