How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
