i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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