Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my being single is dangerous.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."