i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
