So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
