And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
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