I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
