what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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