Im at strip club and am horny
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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