Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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