i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
