HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
