I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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