So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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