Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
