I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
