I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
