physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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