please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
