Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
