dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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