put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
