if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
