Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
