Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
