You're a womanizer and a bitch.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
