I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
