Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
my liver is dry heaving
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
