It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
