I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
