first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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