Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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