Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
