i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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