how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
