What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
