Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
