The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Send help, water and tortillas.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
