I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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