No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
