this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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