I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
