Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
