i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
time to smoke my breakfast
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
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and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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