the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
