I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
