...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
