Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
