saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
