Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
where am i from again
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
