I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
