All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
