You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i think i have herpe
just one?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You don't make any sense
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