You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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