very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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