I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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