I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
