Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The Olympian is in my bed
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
